A tear fell from my eye, but that's the end of the story not the beginning. At the beginning i was driving home from work. It was a night not unlike most others. Turning the radio dial to an A.M. station i'm fond of, i realized how foggy it was on this particular night. My headlights barely illuminated a few feet in front of me. From time to time i like to listen to the conservative talk radio stations while i'm driving home. While i hardly fashion myself a conservative, i do pride myself on being open minded. Listening to those with whom i disagree with on a great many issues is sometimes therapeutic for me in that it often gives me a more holistic view of situations. Further, sometimes opposition can lead me to question my beliefs in a positive way and reaffirm what i find to be true- or rejecting a position that is no longer useful. Challenge can be a very good thing. As I've gotten older I've found that i seem to have less and less answers and more questions. Plus lets face it, after a long day at the office and just looking at a checking account balance that makes one yearn to awaken the ability to turn water into wine sometimes listening to some intellectual banter on the radio can be a necessary diversion. Yet had i known better, tonight i may have left my radio off.
Before i turned on the radio, my thoughts this evening were on family, more specifically my daughter. See this evening was a Thursday evening and for the past three years my routine has been to pick her up for the weekend as soon as i get off work on Friday. Normally, when i get home on Thursdays, i clean up a little and make sure my space is adequately prepared for the rigors of 4 year old over the weekend. A weekend, such a short period when you consider the scope of a week that i often hate spending so much time at the office and less time with her during the week. I do cherish my weekends. Yet this weekend i do not know if i will see her. As of a week ago her mother changed the script on her weekend visits for reasons that were not explained or discussed with me. So as i drove home this evening, i did not know when i would next see her smile, a problem complicated by the disconnection of her mothers phone. So it was with a touch of melancholy that i turned on the radio.
A news bulletin was being broadcast and while the news seldom seems to be positive i truly was not prepared for what i heard. A man who was in town from Ohio to bury his father was shot and killed earlier today. He was 41 years old. The news continued and it was revealed that this man who i had never met before was the victim of a car jacking. Apparently the assailant made off with the victim's Cadillac car. Though i sought a diversion this evening from the radio, an incredible and deep sadness came over me as i realized that this was a crime where all who were involved were black men who probably looked like me. It's Nov. 13th. Less than 10 days ago i witnessed a black man elected President of the United States of America and i thought/no i hoped that maybe we would look at ourselves differently, treat each other with more respect. Don't get me wrong, i never expected any one man to be a savior- as i know that the only place to truly look for salvation is within. Still a part of me hoped i wouldn't hear news like this, which is so routine for black people all over the world, for at least a little while. While Barack's victory was historic, we each individually and collectively have a responsibility to change our own conditions. This night, we are still dying over Bullshit and my optimism is temporarily gone. Now i know as the Sun rises on Friday Morning that my optimism will be reborn like the Phoenix Bird that rises from the remains of it's own ashes. Yet tonight i just feel like turning my radio off and driving 285 through the fog in silence. I can't help but wonder if the fog in the night is symbolic of the conditions of our people or maybe it's only symbolic of the fog within my own mind. Tonight i feel as if i understand why Jesus wept.
Before i turned on the radio, my thoughts this evening were on family, more specifically my daughter. See this evening was a Thursday evening and for the past three years my routine has been to pick her up for the weekend as soon as i get off work on Friday. Normally, when i get home on Thursdays, i clean up a little and make sure my space is adequately prepared for the rigors of 4 year old over the weekend. A weekend, such a short period when you consider the scope of a week that i often hate spending so much time at the office and less time with her during the week. I do cherish my weekends. Yet this weekend i do not know if i will see her. As of a week ago her mother changed the script on her weekend visits for reasons that were not explained or discussed with me. So as i drove home this evening, i did not know when i would next see her smile, a problem complicated by the disconnection of her mothers phone. So it was with a touch of melancholy that i turned on the radio.
A news bulletin was being broadcast and while the news seldom seems to be positive i truly was not prepared for what i heard. A man who was in town from Ohio to bury his father was shot and killed earlier today. He was 41 years old. The news continued and it was revealed that this man who i had never met before was the victim of a car jacking. Apparently the assailant made off with the victim's Cadillac car. Though i sought a diversion this evening from the radio, an incredible and deep sadness came over me as i realized that this was a crime where all who were involved were black men who probably looked like me. It's Nov. 13th. Less than 10 days ago i witnessed a black man elected President of the United States of America and i thought/no i hoped that maybe we would look at ourselves differently, treat each other with more respect. Don't get me wrong, i never expected any one man to be a savior- as i know that the only place to truly look for salvation is within. Still a part of me hoped i wouldn't hear news like this, which is so routine for black people all over the world, for at least a little while. While Barack's victory was historic, we each individually and collectively have a responsibility to change our own conditions. This night, we are still dying over Bullshit and my optimism is temporarily gone. Now i know as the Sun rises on Friday Morning that my optimism will be reborn like the Phoenix Bird that rises from the remains of it's own ashes. Yet tonight i just feel like turning my radio off and driving 285 through the fog in silence. I can't help but wonder if the fog in the night is symbolic of the conditions of our people or maybe it's only symbolic of the fog within my own mind. Tonight i feel as if i understand why Jesus wept.
